“What I’ve learned is that no matter what society tells you, you are doing a great job. No matter what path you take, whether you work or stay home, that's for you and your family (to decide) and that's totally ok,” said Stefanie Davis, Longmont resident and mother of three, when asked to share lessons learned over the past year.
The COVID-19 pandemic has brought unprecedented challenges for families across the spectrum, including changes to day-to-day dynamics.
For these four local women, life looks quite different but they all agree the disruptions at home with their children have been blessings in disguise.
A practice in resiliency
Carolina Neri, Boulder County resident and mother of two, said the most difficult part for her was to adapt her house to also function as a school for her four- and five-year-olds.
“I had to find and buy material. I had to adapt a large part of the house, they had a small space to play, but after this, I had to set aside space for them to study, to play, for everything, ”she said. "My house became a kindergarten."
Neri holds a doctorate degree in atmospheric science from a university in her native Mexico City. Like her husband, a scientist at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, she values her professional career and is used to working outside of the home, she said.
After arriving in this county a few years ago, Neri said she dedicated her time to the care of her daughters while awaiting her work visa.
The pandemic forced her to carry the heavier part of the load at home even as she resumed work, she said.
“Mainly, I was the one who had to take care of everything in the beginning, their education, their care,” she said. “The difficulty with the pandemic is having to give up your space, your time and be as flexible as possible with everything while having to work, attend classes, cook, be at home and learn to live like this with your family and your husband. "
Exploring her own limits and expanding her level of resiliency were among the two most important lessons Neri learned over the course of the past year, she said.
"You have to give up a lot of yourself, your time, aspirations, the desire to go for a walk, to get out of the house," she said. “But the goal was for them to be okay and we were always just trying to protect our family. "
Above all, Neri said she acknowledges that this past year allowed her to see, up close, the growth and development of her daughters and enjoy them more than ever.
“Being with them and enjoying them through thick and thin … knowing how their development has been, I see them more closely at all levels,” she said. "Spending time with them is the most valuable thing we have had, it greatly strengthened the relationship we have with them in all aspects, and for me that is invaluable."
A time to remember and rekindle
Maria Valdez, Longmont resident and mother of a teen and a pre-teen, also faced a test to her limits during the pandemic.
Valdez’s 14-year-old is on the autism spectrum and had excelled in his academics throughout middle school until COVID hit, she said.
"He came to eighth grade — the last grade of his current school — and with the changes (of the pandemic) he was not able to adapt at home," she said. "Due to the pandemic, his grades dropped."
“I liked having them at home more time and, day-by-day I discovered things that I did not know. I had no idea that they already thought so differently from how I had them in my head,” she said. "When they are always at school, the teachers end up enjoying it more than one does."
Valdez came to Colorado in 2006 and said her memories of Mother’s Day in her native Chihuahua, Mexico are nothing compared to the way she celebrates here.
"There every year we used to call up a small group of friends, we grabbed a guitar and serenaded all the moms, we ended up with no voice and tired, but very happy," she said.
This year, she will celebrate grilling some food in her backyard, kicking off the season with their first “carne asada,”, she said.
An opportunity for growth
Silvana Diaz, Longmont resident and mother of two, knew the going would get rough at home with a seven- and a ten-year-old and two working parents.
When the world shut down, she sat her two children down to have an honest conversation about what was to come and ask their help as the whole family entered uncharted territory, she said.
“I was too busy and couldn't afford to sit with them from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m.,” she said. "I spoke directly to both of them, I told them that the situation was going to be different and we had to be twice as responsible as before ... I spoke with them and they did their best effort."
Diaz and her husband, Mike, would take turns helping with online schoolwork and checking homework, even when eventually he had to start going to the office for work a few days a week, she said.
"We did that for several months until they went back to school," she said. “We sent them back to school as soon as we could. I didn’t hesitate for a second ... studying and working from home was not pleasant at all. "
The pandemic caused Diaz to lose work that accounted for three-fourths of her earnings doing Spanish to English interpretations across the Denver metro area, she said, adding even with a full workload having her children at home would have made an “impossible work environment at home.”
"Being with them 24 hours a day at first was difficult, but I realized that I had to appreciate their presence more, their jokes, their wit, their interruptions," she said. "Everything that seemed annoying, all of a sudden became funnier."
She remembers when children were finally allowed to return to the classrooms she felt nostalgic, she said. "I started to miss them, I thought ‘I hope they just stay here.’”
Coming across many other mothers and families who had experienced much loss and suffering, Diaz also realized how blessed her time at home with her children had been, she said.
"I started to think I have nothing to complain about (and) that became my motto, 'Enough complaining, there are people who are having a worse time than I am and I have to be strong.'"
A chance to slow down
Davis, a stay-at-home mom of three children under the age of four, plans to homeschool all of her children, so having everyone at home did not create much stress for her or her family, she said.
She has a “heart for teaching children,” she said, and it is an area of her life where she feels she can excel.
The most notable change during the pandemic was the sense that time slowed down, she said.
“Before the pandemic, we were so busy planning the activities. Every week we were going to different places and the pandemic made me slow down and focus on just my kids and just my family,” she said. “That was really nice, to enjoy every single day without thinking about the schedule.”
Davis learned she was pregnant during the COVID-19 pandemic. While there was fear from the unknowns of the virus, she said she was able to enjoy all aspects of her pregnancy more.
“Because we were home I got to enjoy every moment of it, as opposed to being so busy with life that it just flies by,” she said. “I also got to rest more because I wasn’t rushing to do all sorts of activities.”
This Mother’s Day weekend she will be visiting her mother before coming back home to finish the day with just her family, she said.
No matter the composition of the family or the roles that are played at home, everyone is just doing the best they can, she said, adding in a time of a global pandemic moms everywhere should feel content doing things to the best of their ability.
“Even if someone disagrees with how you are doing it, you should trust yourself,” she said. “You are exactly the mother that your family needs.”
