Boulder County Foster Family Story Sharing Night

This content was originally published by the Longmont Observer and is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

"Speed dating for prospective foster parents" is how Samantha Frazee, Foster Parent Engagement Specialist with the 360 Family Connection Team of Boulder County, likes to describe the annual 'Foster Family Story Sharing Night.' The annual recruitment event, held Thursday, Nov 8th at Flatirons Church in Longmont, hosted thirty-five potential foster parents in a casual round-table format.

"The whole point," Frazee said, "is to engage our community in a conversation about foster care. It's a chance to sit down with people who are fostering right now and see yourself in those people. To ask what it's like to work with the child welfare system, and what's the heartbreak really like."

Attendees listened to a reading from the book 'The Boy Who Built a Wall Around Himself,' before a single dad, a dad and his biological daughter, and two married couples traveled from table to table sharing real stories of how it feels to open your home and heart to a kid or kids in need.

The average placement for a child in foster care locally is two to three years. And although Boulder County prefers foster-to-adopt placements, wanting the child to land in a situation where they can stay if necessary, the primary goal is always reconciliation with the biological family, which sometimes involves a grandparent or aunt or uncle.

Attendees heard firsthand what it's like to lose a child you've come to love, speaking candidly of broken hearts and how hard it was to say goodbye, particularly when they weren't sure about the situation the child was returning to. All the speakers talked about the importance of taking time off in between kids "for their hearts to heal." And of thinking, sometimes over and over, "this is the last time."  Another parent added, "Once that child goes home, you hear nothing."

They also spoke of the special challenges foster kids present.  These children can often behave emotionally and academically years younger than they are. They are sometimes hard to talk to.  There are temper tantrums and bedwetting.  One dad said that his foster son did not smile or laugh for ten months.

But the parents also spoke of the joy of seeing the kids open up, make friends, and begin to prosper. They also mentioned the importance of their kids learning that they are "worthy of love."

There are popular misconceptions about the foster system. According to one parent, people  think "we make a lot of money -- we don't." There is also the idea that caseworkers are overworked. "Mine bent over backwards," he added,  "welcoming daily phone calls."

Boulder County currently has 75 providers for 200 kids.  "Because of our substance abuse situation, we are in crisis right now," Frazee said, explaining the huge uptick in placements last year. "Our high needs right now are for medically fragile infants as well as teens. Ninety-five percent of our kids come in as emergency placements, usually from a police call or a hospital."

Frazee says that the event always results in an increase of foster parents. "I want people to know that if they think they can do it, they can do it. We offer a lot of support and have an incredible community. Foster care can be put in the shadows, the more people know, the more they want to help."