February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, focusing on advocacy and education to stop dating abuse before it starts.
According to statistics tracked by the Longmont Ending Domestic Violence Initiative, 15% of domestic violence victims from October to December 2022 were under the age of 24 in Longmont. Ashley Méndez Ruiz, LEVI project coordinator, added that 11% of the suspects in those 761 domestic violence cases were also under 24.
“It’s an issue that is often overlooked, and it’s more serious than we actually think it is,” she said.
Méndez Ruiz added that it’s alarming to see the local numbers this high for people under 24, with some victims as young as 13 or 14. On top of that, the violence in these cases seems to be worsening.
“We’ve noticed that it’s increasing, yes, but also the severity of the cases that we’re receiving are also very concerning because we’re getting a lot of harassment; we’re getting a lot of sexual assault,” she explained.
In the U.S., one in three teens will experience abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with, according to Love Is Respect, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
As part of LEVI’s preventive efforts against domestic violence, Méndez Ruiz often speaks with children at schools to help educate teens about red flags in a relationship and what abuse looks like. The first issue she usually highlights with young people has to do with a partner violating their privacy by checking their phone or social media.
“I know it happens a lot in that age and they don’t see it as something that is serious, but then it progresses,” Méndez Ruiz said.
Other red flags include derogatory language, mistreatment toward one’s partner and explosive tempers. There’s a lot of focus on jealousy and what differentiates it from love.
“Someone that is constantly jealous and controls you and shows that possessiveness over you, is not because they’re in love with you,” she explained. “There's something else there. We have the conversation of distinguishing what jealousy is and what love is.”
Consent and coercion are another set of topics that Méndez Ruiz highlights. She emphasizes that a drunk party cannot consent to a sexual act and that a partner is never entitled to intimacy if the other doesn’t want to or isn’t sure.
“We need to do a better job as a community of understanding what consent is, what it looks like, what it doesn’t look like and having those conversations to prevent these types of situations from happening,” she said.
Getting these messages out to teens is crucial, according to Méndez Ruiz, because education is the most important tool in eradicating domestic violence.
“This is their first experience in intimate relationships,” she said. “If we go in and educate them and raise awareness of what dating violence is and how it looks like, it creates a different picture for them of how a relationship should look like and what can indicate an abusive relationship.”
LEVI offers education, emotional support and resources to victims and their families and friends, with more information at www.longmontdomesticviolence.org. The Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley offers a program known as Teens Ending Relationship Abuse, which offers information on recognizing unhealthy and abusive relationships.
At a national level, www.loveisrespect.org offers articles about dating and healthy relationships for young people, along with ways to be safe, get help and support others.
