February is the ideal time to bring awareness to the dark side of romance especially among teens and young adults, say Longmont specialists who deal with domestic abuse.
The abuse also doesn’t have to be slap or punch. Psychological abuse — which is common among teens — can range from put-downs and constant insults to stopping someone from hanging out with certain friends or requiring access to someone’s phone, said Emily Ekart, prevention education specialist for Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley.
“You do not ever have to get physical for a relationship to be abusive, a common misunderstanding, which leads to a lot of teens staying in crappy or abusive relationships,” Ekart said in an email.
A lot of abuse toward a partner is doled out online and COVID-19 makes it easier to spread cruel treatment, she said.
“Teens struggle setting digital boundaries and COVID perpetuated this problem because we can only connect digitally, so many teens felt they couldn’t place boundaries on their digital spaces and feel obligated to be ‘connected’ at all times,” Ekart said.
All forms of abusive relationships are targeted in February, which is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, an effort to promote healthy behavior for kids who date and ways to get help if problems arise, said Kim Heard, project coordinator for the Longmont Ending Violence Initiative, or LEVI.
One in three teens report experiencing dating violence and 43% of college students report experiencing violent or abusive behaviors in relationships, Heard said in an email.
Choose Respect, a national initiative to help youth ages 11 to 14 avoid abusive relationships, reports that each year about 1 in 4 adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Choose Respect — as reported in ThoughtCo — also states that about 1 in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
Many instances of abuse go unreported since many teens don’t recognize them as dangerous, Heard said.
“A teen may value their relationships and may not see their partner’s behaviors as controlling, unhealthy or abusive,” Heard said. “Many times, the unhealthy or abusive behaviors may be portrayed as sweet or romantic, or as a normal part of youth culture.”
Spreading the word about teen dating abuse has been altered this school year due to COVID restrictions, Heard said.
Each year she and members of the Safe Shelter staff usually give 70 to 100 presentations on healthy relationships and teen dating violence in the St. Vrain Valley School District.
COVID has kept them out of classrooms, leaving them to send their safe dating message through emails to teachers and counselors, Heard said.
“They are all anxious to have me back when visiting presenters are let back into the schools,” she said.
Parents can play a key role in detecting and stopping dating abuse, Heard said.
They can consider their own relationships and what teens may be observing at home. Parents also can meet their teens’ boyfriends, girlfriends, partners and friends and ask their teen if they would be open to talking about their relationships.
She also encourages parents to check out sites like LoveisRespect.org, Twelve Talks to Have With Teens and DomesticShelters.org to learn more about talking to teens about dating violence.
